The 40s, my goals

I realize that the chances that I write this post and then immediately forget it exists is just as likely to happen as me not being able to pass up a pretty pair of shoes.  But I'm going to do it anyway, because just as I recorded my goals for my 30s (in this post) I think it's valuable to take a moment to reflect and gain some direction going forward and now that I've flipped over to a new decade, I think that's the perfect opportunity to do just that.

I do not simply want to robotically live my 40s (which basically can summarize what my 30s felt like), but I want to inhale them and experience every wonderful moment in this beautiful decade. 
I want to breathe it's aroma (which is hopefully not stale but sweet and floral with a side of spice)
I want to feel every fibre of it's fashion (definitely no sensible shoes or elastic waistbands)
I want to laugh and love and feel beautiful in my skin.
I will embrace my imperfections and just get over it already because really, life is too short to be hung up on the extra rolls or the double chin.  That doesn't mean I'm not working to improve those imperfections- that's a constant.  But they aren't stopping me from doing things.

I am here. 

Here are a few things I want to do in my 40s

1. Not stop at that stupid Costco exit line when I've never left my cart unattended and wtf people.
2. Get a boob reduction- yup, cut these badboys off.  They suck for exercise.
3. Improve my physical shape- I'd say 75% of my body is super strong- my core, not so much. Gotta work on fixing that.
4.  Paint more.   I keep having this as a goal which means I like art so I should do it more.
5.  Piano more.  I'd like a real life piano instead of a crappy church sized keyboard.  I can still sit down and somewhat play the pieces when I was doing my grade 9 RCM, so I'd like to that with more intention.
6. Bake/cook fresh meals- I like to have fun in the kitchen, I just need to set more importance on it.
7.  Connect with my community- I enjoy meeting people and hearing their stories and seeing the amazing things to do.  Maybe this should be create a community instead...
8. Visit the following countries/places: (and by visit I mean really see them and learn about them and embrace the culture) ----- Ireland, Scotland (yes again...still more I want to see), France (I want to see all of it now), Italy, Switzerland, Eastern Canada, Vancouver Island, Northern Saskatchewan, Salmon Fishing in Seattle, Upstate New York in the fall/Cooperstown, French Polynesia, St. Lucia.  
9. Parenting- scary to think that when I'm wrapping up my 40s that I'll be facing an empty nest.  Yikes.  Which means I want to experience every moment with them still at home.
10. Develop my personal style- or continue to?
11.  Grow a business into something amazing.
12.  Take an course: online and face-to-face- I like to learn.
13.  Open up my home more frequently to friends/family.
14.  Stay calm.  I dunno- I felt frantic for most of my 30s. I would like to be cool as a cucumber for a bit.
15.  Be organized- having a spot for everything , a decluttered, purposeful home...this will start with the move next month.
16.  Go on a trip alone..maybe to one of the places in #8

If I can accomplish a handful of these in the next 10 years, then I will be quite pleased.  Even better is if I remember that I wrote this post and use it as a guideline.
Here's hoping.

Cheers.





* This article was originally published here

History Lesson with Poppa Pockets

Perspective is served up in many ways in life and usually comes right when you need it.  It's easy to get sucked down the vortex of adulting- the I need a pat on the back, the being so busy having to bring your kids or yourself somewhere, so many sports, so many events, so many meetings and still someone has to make those damn school lunches.

But then someone tells you some stories and all of a sudden your crazy doesn't seem so crazy anymore.

And that someone is your 90 year old Grandpa, spending some time with you and kids out on his homestead- the home and the land he grew up on.

Yesterday we took a day off of school and did a field trip to my mom's ancestral land just north of Blaine Lake.  We saw the home that my Great Great Grandparents built in the late 1800s and we learned of life in the olden days.

The first home on the homestead- circa late 1800s. 6 people lived in this home.

 The added bonus was the tour guide, my Grandpa or Poppa Pockets as we refer to him (because when we were younger, he always wore these button up shirts with buttons on the pockets which were fun to pop open).  My mom had done some prep too and came with pictures and print outs about our family's place in Saskatchewan history.

The best part of the day was the learning curve for the kids.  Earlier this week I presented them with the opportunity for the unique learning experience and they jumped right in.  I prepped them some research to do before hand so that they could have a framework and some direction for their learning.  Okay, I kinda miss being a teacher some days.   Willis was focusing more on learning about the Depression/Dust Bowl and how it affected Saskatchewan Farmers as well as about the Riel Rebellion.  Lucia was learning more about life of a child in the early 1900s and the roles of animals.

Grandpa's childhood home- 12 kids were raised in here and it had a grand veranda around it and a kitchen on the back (collapsed).  In the winters they would host dance parties for the neighbours.

Grandpa spoke about taking a horse and caboose to school and picking up people along the way.  He told tales of the chores he'd have to accomplish when he got home. He explained how much money he could earn hunting jackrabbits, skunks and muskrats.  Using the pictures mom had brought, he talked about the wolf hounds that the had and what their roles were for hunting and how winters would be so bad some years that they wouldn't get out for months.

We tailgated with a picnic and enjoyed the fresh air while the kids peppered Grandpa with questions and soaked in all the knowledge.  They even eagerly came home to finish their assignments and write down all their learnings.

 We added a stop to the Dagenais homestead, not far from my Grandpa's home- where my Grandma grew up and few cemetery stops to put flowers on my Grandma's grave and to find the graves of the original homesteaders, my Great Great Grandparents.   We read about William Diehl being one of the scouts that found Louis Riel and reported him to be captured during the rebellion.

Celebrating 40...me for the last time. For reals.

This is the year we all turn 40.  

Coincidentally, I have officially started referring to this year as the year of the upgrades as everything is going to be that much better in our 40s: my attitude, my self care, my relationships and all the fun.

Candace was the first to celebrate with her birthday of choice (you can read about it here) and this past weekend the girls came together to celebrate me.

The concept this year is that it's your party and you choose what you want to.  For me, the ideal night was getting fancied up, photos with my friends, a killer meal and time together after.  Bonus for this was that my true blue, Christy came down from Calgary to celebrate so you know, we "needed" a hotel room for our slumber party/snuggle session. 

We started the night doing our girlsquad photos with Larissa from Lovely Roots....it isn't always the most comfortable thing to do but I have grown to love becoming the person I see behind the photos.  Larissa makes you feel insanely comfortable and amazingly I always feel my self confidence start to boost when we're working together.

Truth be told,   I don't always feel awesome about myself but somehow seeing myself the way others do serves as a slap to wake me up out of a self doubt funk...my wish was that my friends could experience that too and see themselves they way I see them.

After a deadly meal at Carver's (seriously, the steak...) we came back to the room to get cozy (and put on our new Britney shirts) for some quality time together.  I could've just sat there and laughed my face off with them, but they had a whole night planned.

Sara wrote me a touching (and rhyming!) toast

Christy made me a calendar of memories because apparently 20 years ago I made her one.  We were all in tears laughing at all the crazy moments she captured.

She even brought the calendar I made her 20 years ago and then that provided a million more ab workouts of laughter.  Which are the best kind, by the way.

Finally Alynne had made a Britney trivia game (which I really sucked at) and Carmen had a voting game that brought even more laughter. Seriously, my friends are the best.

The night was perfect for me in so many ways and really, you could have thrown me into almost any situation and as long as I had my friends by my side, we would have found our fun.  But the thing I loved about what we did was that we celebrated the shit out of our friendship and captured our current beauty- imperfections and all- at a girlsquad photo session.  I guarantee  in 20 years from now when 60 year old Deena is looking back, she'll be grateful that the current level of awesome was celebrated.

This is me now and I want to enjoy it.

I. Am. Here.

Cheers to 40.

* This article was originally published here

Photos of life

Here's the thing.
I look at these pictures and I typically would see my flaws, you know, the things that make me want to never take photos of myself again or just wear a giant paper bag.   We all do it to ourselves- that inner mean girl has a knack for taking over the dialogue in our head.  
You know the one, she (I am going to name mine Darla) (I apologize if any reader's names are Darla...) (that's awkward), Darla points out how that angle makes me look giant, or she questions my choice in outfit.  
Darla is a pest, she makes me feel bad. She's a nuisance and she has no place in my life.

I'm 40 now and I don't have time for that shit.

I want to be uplifted and motivated, I want to feel like my heart is on fire.  I want to be surrounded by people who believe in me and who push me to be the best version of myself possible.  I want to celebrate the big moments, like turning 40 but also the little moments, like friendship and I want to wake up feeling so damn good about myself that I have no choice but to go out and do good.

That is what these pictures do for me.  These are the best of the best (according to me) from our photoshoot with Larissa (Lovely Roots Photography) and they highlight everything I aspire in life:  Strong, confidant women who feel good in their skin and go out and change the world by doing little and big things.  And sure, we don't always feel amazing but one look at these pictures and I sure as well do.  
I need to get these blown up and framed to remind me of how powerful we can be.

Let me tell you a little bit about these women.  These are the friends who have been narrating the playbook of my life since before high school.  Christy was my bff since day one of kindergarten, Alynne and Candace were friends in elementary school and same for Sara and Carmen.  We all may have come from different elementary schools, went to different high schools (okay, just me) but we all we brought together and have stayed that way through thick and through thin.  

What's unique about this friendship, aside from the longevity,  is the sisterly nature of it.  We know each other inside and out and see through the faults and failings with love.   We support each other through the trials but we also are right there in all the celebrations. 

These women are my rocks and they are all so beautiful.

And isn't it a magical thing when people see you and know your worth and want so badly for you to live your best damn life that you almost kinda start to do it because they believe?  My hope is that my friends are able to look at these pictures and see their absolute beauty and worth, but also that they see the strength that they have behind them, nudging, poking and sometimes shoving along the way.

I loved this photoshoot.  I love that when I'm GrannyDeena, I'll be looking back and thinking, damn- we were beautiful, weren't we?  I love these photos because they remind me of what I'm capable of when I have such an empowering team of women behind me.
Cheers and thanks gals for letting me celebrate friendship through photography.

* This article was originally published here

Vintage 1979: We celebrate Alynne

Sometimes friendships don't start off in the fairy tale way that you'd hope.  In the case of Alynne and I, that would be the situation. but mostly because I insist on being dramatic about it.  It really wasn't that bad, but in my really bad memory, it comes off as a friendship that was destined to be doomed.

We both started working at Burger Baron when it opened in the P of A.  The kids from the two high schools sat in separated areas, channeling our inner Outsiders or West Side Story or something.  I remember sitting on the lower level with my friends from St. Mary's and looking up at the kids from Carlton.  There was the stunning blonde glaring at me.
So naturally I glared back. 
What happened over the course of those years, I sadly don't recall but all I know was that the glare was fruitless and we became fast friends, the end.  We must've bonded over the secret sauce.  Okay, maybe not so dramatic after all.

Since then Alynne and I have stuck together and the friendship has turned into a sisterhood where we don't glare at each other anymore.  We've lived together, stood up for each other in our weddings and have guided each other through the dark moments.  And now here we are, 20+ years later celebrating life together.

Alynne is one of those annoying chicks who radiates beauty all the time, but I'm not talking just in her looks (her hair/skin/eyes/butt are my fave in case you were wondering)- rather, Alynne is the kindest, sweetest and most genuine person you'll meet.  She's quiet but has a killer sense of humour with a side of sarcasm while being super intelligent.  I love that she budgets everything and can give a solid NO to not doing things because it's not in her budget.  She is raising some amazing humans and is really one of the biggest blessings that has ever stepped into our lives.

For Alynne's 40th she wanted to keep it chill.  Her wishess were the following: have a seafood boil at Bon Temps, go for a walk and not spend a lot of money.  
We interpreted that with the following agenda:

Part 1- Go for a walk.
We thought of doing a riverbank walk but then Sara I think found the Eco GlideAdventures  we figured that would be way more fun.  I'm pretty sure that's what she meant when she said "go for a walk" anyway.  I gotta say, this was probably one of the best things I've ever done on the riverbank- definitely a must do this summer.  We laughed, we learned and we saw the beauty of our city.

Part 2- Supper at Bon Temps.  We didn't deviate here because it's so delicious and we love it every time.

Part 3- The Gift.  Carmen found this cool idea of 40 letters that you can open au fur et à mesure.  There really isn't a better way to say that- sometimes French is so smart.    So we divied up the "open when" prompts and started putting them together (we used this website and had to be creative as some weren't pertinent) (if you google "open when letter prompts" you'll find tons more).  Candace made a box (actually 2 because there were so many) and we gifted Alynne with a variety of letters that she can open along the way.

Alynne- we are so grateful that you are our person and we can't wait to celebrate the next 40 with you!

* This article was originally published here

Welcome to the land of tantrums and crocodile tears

One minute he's all hugs and cuddles and the next I can't be in a 15 foot radius from him.
Yup, the pre-teen years have hit with a massive deluge of angst, eye-rolling and smelly armpits.

While I can't say I have even close to a clue of what I'm doing and really, I spend most of my time in utter disbelief of the roller-coaster display of emotion coming from my once upon a time not so little any more boy (and really amazed that it's no longer only me being overly dramatic in this house), I can say that I have learned some valuable lessons while figuring out how to handle ALL THE FEELS.  This is what I know so far.

Navigating the tween years.  A not so perfect guide

1. Conversation is necessary and it must be distraction free.

A couple of weekends ago on a basketball tournament in Calgary, I had an uninterrupted hour with my 11 year old, which easily could have been very long depending on his mood.   As we sat down for our meal together I made of point of putting away my cell and attempted to converse with him.  I asked him questions about things that interest him right now and he spoke passionately.  I learned about the differences between Apex and Fortnite, why the recent update of Fortnite is lame and what he likes and dislikes about basketball.  While the hour was spent discussing things I could care less about, it left him feeling animated and engaged and really, I just loved that he was talking to me.
I also make the point of talking to him about his day at school, asking a million questions and not stopping until he answers at least one.  He is normally quite chatty after school so that can be fun.

2.  Give space when needed.

Mornings and night times I usually have to keep a 2km radius around him or he gets mad.  Occasionally he'll let me in and you can bet your bottom dollar that I come running and soak it up.  Even if it means sitting beside him on the couch while he teaches me how to solve a rubics cube.  His bedroom has become his oasis and he is starting to spend more and more time away from us, which breaks my heart a little but I get it.  I hide in my room often too.  My goal in the next year is to make his room a haven where he can work, relax and feel comfortable basically living in as I have a feeling the distancing himself from us trend won't change anytime soon.

3.  Listen to what he's really saying.

While it is very clear who makes the rules in our house, he does try to influence/debate/argue the shit out of them quite often.  Regardless what he's trying to get out of (current struggle is deodarant) I will always make a point to let him know that I am listening and that he his heard.  He may not get his way but he will always be able to tell me what's on his mind and I will listen (or at least pretend to) with an open mind.   Sometimes I laugh a maniacal demon laugh and roll my eyes right back at him because no, you can't wake up at 6 am to play video games because we're sleeping and don't know the difference.  Other times do make concessions when something is giving him grief- for example he hates having two different sports in one night, so we've stopped rushing that way. 

I have a feeling that if I don't let him know that he's heard now, then he won't even try talking to me later when the problems will likely be even bigger.

4.  Laugh.  Be Vulnerable. Admit mistakes. 

I have learned to let him see me be human- a living, mistake making, remorseful, celebratory, wild and giddy person with feelings just like him.  If he does something to hurt me, I tell him.  If he does something funny, we laugh until we cry.  We watch the Raptors and Blue Jays together and talk sports.   He is pretty good at picking up when I'm mad or upset and will actually ask me what's going on, so I make sure that when that window opens I tell him as much truth as I can.   We also joke around a lot in our house.  He and Dan have the same sense of humour and tell the same (lame) jokes so it can get pretty ridiculous around here.  My favourite is when Will goes out of his way to do something to make Dan crack up.


In the end, as it has been with the majority of the parenting moments, things are constantly changing and I'm finding myself having to adapt and modify my approach to all the emotions that are happening with our pre-teen.   I feel if I can approach this stage with an open heart, being aware that it's just the hormones morphing him into a sometimes demon child, and that he probably really doesn't think I'm that uncool, then I may survive puberty and come out laughing in the end.

Cheers to raising fun humans!

* This article was originally published here